You see, it is an uncanny thing that I have to be able to predict the outcome of various events in my life. Knowing full well that the letter would be recieved unwelcomely, I still wrote it out and gave it anyway. Word for word what I put in the journal, excluding the last paragraph, I put ink to paper. Blue crisp ink on fresh white paper.

I touched a finger wet with cologne to the inside of the envelope, folded neatly the paper and placed it inside the envelope. That should have been enough, I guess. I also attached a soft plush bear to a vase of 3 pink carnations, 3 white roses, and 3 red day lillies. Put the envelope with the vase and headed off to give them to her.

She wasn't there, but I left them with her boss. The boss told me that she would be in a couple of hours to work the nightshift. I was off to work myself, so I would just have to wait to see the response.

Guess you can predict the response, just as I did. Sadly enough, I never listen to those damn predictions. Could save myself a lot of...everything. Heh.

I wanted to write you a letter. It would be filled with my heartfelt words and ideas. I could tell you how I adore your smile and how great my day goes when I catch your glance as I walk by. I heard that a friend of mine told you that it was I who sent you the flowers. Perhaps this friend isn't really a friend, or maybe they are trying to help me talk to you, but either way I suppose you know now who it is that admires you from afar.

I suppose it is true that you know because I have noticed you glancing my way on occasion. It's funny really, the last time I was going to just walk up to you and tell you that I had a crazy crush on you, you weren't there. I thought it was fate telling me to forget it, but my heart keeps saying that it is just bad timing.

I know it has been quite a while since I sent the flowers to you, and I am sure that you have mixed feelings about it. Am I playing games, so I send you flowers but never say anything to you? Am I just a coward who can't find the courage to approach you? Truth is, I had a plan.

I sent you the flowers on Valentines Day and planned to see you the next day and tell you they were from me. Problem was that I was told after you got them that you had a boyfriend. The idea was that you would get in big trouble for getting flowers from someone, even if you didn't know who. You left the flowers at work that day and didn't take them home, which only added to the story being true.

Of course, now I know that it wasn't true, and I found out a week or so after that it wasn't true, but by then it seemd a moot point to try and go back. The friend who told you that I sent the flowers is the one who told me you weren't seeing anyone. All the strength I found to send the flowers and approach you about it was lost by this time.

I was glad that I didn't get you into trouble with a boyfriend of anything, but I wasn't sure I could talk to you now. I haven't been sure for the last few weeks. It's been two months since that day and I feel worse everyday that I haven't come up to you. Fact is I am scared to death of you.

Scared, yes, I am scared. Not of you as much as what you can do to me. You see, like you, I have been hurt in the past. I am skittish like that stray animal that got hit by a car. I learned to deal with the ouch but I am leery of the road. I know I have to cross it eventually to get anywhere in my life, but it is hard to go out into traffic again. I hope that isn't a bad analogy.

Truth is that last time I got out of a bad situation, I was mistreated and fell felt misplaced. I convinced myself the last thing I needed was a new infatuation. I succeeded until I saw your face. At first my head was telling me to run as fast as I can, but my heart started working on an alternate plan by pushing me in instead of out the door.

Now, I sit here wanting to try and tell you that I really want to know you. Maybe one day hold you and make the world go away. Instead I sit here dreaming about that and doing nothing. Nothing because I am scared of being where I was before. A sign of weakness, maybe so, but I am weak now. Weak for you and without you, so which is worse?

Without you is worse. So, I wanted to write you a letter to tell you that I want to know you. That I think of you everyday. I dream about you and wonder about you. I just wanted you to know. No strings attached or expectations to meet. You already surpass my greatest thoughts. Short of being a serial killer in hiding, you couldn't do anything to disappoint me or make me run.

If you could find me as I find you, then I would meet you half way to the future. If not, then you can walk away knowing that I will still always think of you and hope you are doing well in whatever you do. I will go on with the image of your smile in my mind, your name in my heart, and your happiness in my hopes. Whatever happens tomorrow, I just wanted you to know that I wanted to write you a letter to tell you what's in my heart.

Now, if only I could write the letter I could make want a did. Words, heh. Confusing and elusive little buggers. Anyone good at writing secret love letters? Care to help me out?

I decided today that I need to write you a letter. We seem to miss each other lately. Either you aren't there when I get there or I am leaving as you come in. Is it destiny telling me that we are not meant to be?

I don't know but I will not let destiny rule my day. I will fight for you and struggle through a zillion mounds of torture to get to you if it means I can have you as my own. Even if only for a day, it will be well worth it.

I saw you this afternoon. Your yellow shirt stood out in the crowd. You had your glasses on and I must admit that I love to see you wear them. During the week most often I see you without them. Your face is beautiful either way to me but it is refreshing to see you wear them. The overall shorts you wore today I haven't seen worn by anyone in a very long time. I could tell you had been working on something today because you were dusted with dirt. Your hair kind was kind of crazy from the wind and whatever project you had been completing and it was pulled up with a pin. Your ears were showing, and it is the first time I recall that they were uncovered completely.

Jessica told me that you have a thing about your ears. She said that you never pull your hair up because you hate them. I don't know why you would, they are as normal as anyone else's. Personally, completely biased, I think they are perfect.

After seeing you today, I feel so much better. I missed seeing your smiling face when I came in. It is amazing how much you affect me.

She comes at me fast and fresh like the rain on a warm spring day. Her words are moist and her rhyme thirsty, eager to explore my mind. She enters me like river to sea and her emotion spreads inside me like a fire out of control, but warm, not hot. It's a soothing warm that feels good to my soul. The heat is found only in that of a compatible spirit.

I cover my heart with my hand to savor every last morsel of her touch. Yes, from so far away, she touches me. Her words riddle my mind like bullets and I cannot help but be intrigued, in awe. I am in lasting awe of her wit and her reason. I struggle to keep my head from floating. The clouds live in my eyes and the dreams of better days flood through me like a welcome prayer of hope. I flash my badge only to find hers shines brighter.

The pit of my stomach tightens up and my lungs grow heavy. The cavity of my chest that houses my heart seems to shrink and my mind races to compensate. Emotion overload. I feel myself flying in those clouds and my heart races. I swoop through the silver lined cotton fluffed clouds only to see the sun. The sun that I thought was extinguished now burns in my eyes. Nerves tingly my hair stands on edge. At attention all my senses pick up the slightest variation in the room. The faucet drips calmly in the distance. The wind whispers across the glass of the window. A particle of dust nestles into the chair. Everything I never noticed shows up like lights in the darkest night.

Her chat has brought me pleasure. Pleasure like soft chocolate or sweet milk. Delectable and fulfilling. My heart beats, skips, beats, skips like a symphony to my mind. Her image in my mind sends me in circles searching for a cure to her hypnosis. I find myself laying on the floor arms spread waiting for the next rush of her drug. A simple thought of her name.

I am an addict now. Addicted to her tongue and enslaved to her words. Oh to be the lips that those words pass over. To be the breeze in her hair. Ecstasy finds me in these thoughts and I wander. I find fields of giant daisies and roses that make me look so small. Each one brandishes her smell, that magnificent aroma that makes her unique. Like the ocean it is free and broad. Like a blanket is fuzzy and comforting. Like a raindrop it is elegant and refreshing.

I live in a dream now. A dream so much better then reality. This dream makes my days travel by with each moment of time passing forever locked in my memory. It may be only a dream, but that dream is my pipe for inhaling my drug. My drug is her existence. She excites me in more ways then I knew a person could be excited. I'm flying and falling all at once. I am spinning and sitting still. I am hot and cold. I am awake and dreaming.

Inject me with your essence. Fill me to the brim and run me over with your passion. I ache only to feel you inside me. Take my life away but leave me the image of you and the conscience to grasp it. My defenses are down. My vault is open. Take me to your nest and infect me with your seed. I will accept it gladly if only to have your plant grow inside me.

My fingers, here, they shake. They rattle against my palms in anxiousness. Patience I have so much of yet it seems to be dying at the thought of your absence. I miss it all. I miss you. I haven't felt a longing like this that I can recall. What power do you have over me? Your silk coated vibe has claimed me. I feel the cover of your meaning flow over me. My desires grow eager to be fulfilled. Another bite of your dough, a whiff of your scent, a lap of your cream will do me in for sure. But I want it. Absorb me in your legacy and chain me to your heart. I cannot resist you, nor do I want to.

Your Poetic Fire burns me. Leaving scars upon my flesh that I feel. Torch me as a victim. A victim to this strangely familiar feeling. I don't want to fight it. It feels to good to have it go away. Each beat of my heart makes the day shorter. I want this second to last for eternity or at least until I can exchange the dream for the damsel.

Current Mood: wow

It may seem boastful or egotistic or it may come off as bragging. That isn't what I see it as. I see it only as the truth told. I get flirted with a lot. I don't know if it's my constant joking and smartassedness that makes everyone around me laugh a lot and attracts them to me, or if it just something about my hair.
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Current Mood: curious

Birds in the trees are singing a melodious tune of your name. It’s funny that I thought so ill of you at first when now all I do is think of you. You come in fresh and graceful with powered sugar coating your eyes, the sparkles remind me of the sweet substance that makes my ice cream so grand.

I watched you walk through the leaves barefoot and stopped to stare at your innocent nature. It entertained me like nothing else I could have watched. I see you daily. Sometimes for real from far away and sometimes closer. I walk past you and you glance at me as if taunting me to say something to you, but I just walk by quietly as though you are not there. The days I don’t physically see you I dream you in my heart.

It is there you smile forever and it is your smile that captivates me the most.

I was the one who sent you roses on Valentines Day. Wow, has it been that long? One pink and one orange rose garnished with baby’s breath and little blue starlights. The ruby vase was my picking and the silk ribbon of violet that wrapped tight around it’s base was the perfect touch to symbolize my emotion for you.

They say red roses are for love and beauty and respect. All of those things I find for you inside me. White is for youthfulness. Red and white make pink and the pink itself stands for admiration. That is my heart for you.

Orange indicates enthusiasm, desire, and fascination. Each of these are the things I have for you. I looked for a rose colored rainbow, but Mother Nature wasn’t ready to give it up. I have all these randomly popping feelings about you and I know deep inside what it is.

A crush. Like a youthful boyish crush I watch you from afar and dream of you secretly. I sent you roses for Valentines day because I wanted to see you smile.

I sent you flowers the next week, again, to see you smile. While I can’t find the idea in my bones to talk to you physically, I can sit back and watch you smile. That amazing angelic smile you carry so well is what drives me to you.

I may never hold you in my arms or kiss your lips but I will always have your smile. Even if I can’t be there to see it, sending you flowers or other precious things I know makes you smile. Just knowing you are smiling makes my day.

One day I will be able to tell you it is I who sends you these gifts of admiration and fascination. It is I who dreams of you like a schoolboy when I close my eyes. I used to think I was too old to have a crush, but I see I was wrong.

At first I wanted it to go away. I felt silly and childish. Each day that passed made me long more to know you and touch your lips with my own. The feeling of this crush is now something I want in my day. Lovesick is the word for me. So fantastically overwhelmingly lovesick.

Is there any cure for my sickness? Yes. If only I weren’t so damn scared of the medicine. Too many doses of bad syrup in my life. Now, I wish I could find the will or the way to take one spoonful of you to try and cure me. Perhaps tomorrow. Perhaps when Spring kicks in full swing and your golden hair lightens to sunny splendid. Until the tomorrow comes, I will sit here silently watching you smile.

Current Mood: lovesick